B. 5/19/13

WARNING: This post is, in no way, upbeat, silly, or empowering.  If you are looking for upbeat, silly, or empowering  you will have to go somewhere else and, honestly, I feel pretty indifferent with what you do.  So, here it goes…

Trying to stay motivated or not afraid of the future is difficult sometimes.  Sorry, those of you who have to put up with my whining about this subject so often but what else is a girl to do?  Sometimes I just need someone to listen for a bit—you will let me know if it’s getting too pathetic won’t you?  Thanks!

Don’t worry, I know it will get better but I’m really at a loss until that point.  I think I just need something to look forward to…and that’ll happen soon enough (trust me, I know graduating is exciting and I truly am impressed with myself but then I remember that I don’t know what to do next).  God, I’m sappy…so much so that I’m even annoying myself. Dammit!  Well, this has officially turned into some sort of diary entry from a third grade school girl.

Now don’t you feel better?

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B. 5/10/13

So, it’s a little sad that our first blog post of the “new year” is in May, but at least I have no problem admitting that I am not an overachiever in any way, shape, or form  😀

Why now, you may ask?  Honestly, because I’m currently writing my last ever paper in my academic career (if you can call it that!) and it’s harder than you’d think…I’m avoiding it/thinking of different words that I can use so that I don’t sound like a fucking broken record.  Damn papers!

I guess there are other things on my mind as well though and it’s frustrating to not be able to write or say or feel the right words.  What are the right words and why wasn’t I ever given them?  Maybe that’s me being pessimistic at this point in my life but it’s really hard not to be that way sometimes.  Maybe we all just need to learn to be content with where we are in our lives by being honest with ourselves/where we are in this lifelong thing/those closest to us?  I don’t know—I’m no psychologist or psychiatrist or any other -ist that gives me the right to say what things are supposed to be or how things are supposed to be but I think the best that we can each do is try.  We need to try to be alright with ourselves and where our own lives are currently and where they are heading.  We need to try to our best not to compare ourselves with what our friends are doing or to what’s socially acceptable for us to be doing and just be.    It gets frustrating that there are so many expectations for us millennial’s and that many of them are unrealistic.  I’m not saying all of them are unrealistic but I don’t think that many of them work for everyone at all points in life.  For instance, I’ve been having some boy-stalker (not quite the restraining order sense, but annoying) issues lately which tells me that, unlike many people my age, a personal/romantic-esque relationship is not quite in my cards right now.  Not saying that something won’t happen sometime in the future to change that but this makes me not fit into that certain expectation.  On the other hand, I’m getting a second college degree at quite a young age (though a “real” job would be nice soon) within the next month-ish and I guess that makes me fit into a different expectation of our generation.

I guess we just have to take what we can get?

Holy shit this sounds stupid and preachy!  That was not my intent at all—sometimes I just feel the need to tell someone (I guess this is what I’ve got right now) what I’m thinking and if this is in any way offensive I sincerely apologize.  Damn expectations of not sounding stupid and preachy!! 😀

Now don’t you feel better?

B. 12/22/12

Christmas is coming and I’m very excited for it everything except stores being open until midnight!  I feel like that’s ridiculous for people to do; companies really need to stop that kind of shit!

Now don’t you feel better?

B. 12/21/12

Did the end of the world come cause no one told me what time the party bus was scheduled to leave!! Dammit! I missed the memo again! Thanks guys!!

Now don’t you feel better?

B. 12/20/12

Supposedly, it’s the day before the end of the world…I don’t buy it!  Sorry to those who feel very strongly about the Aztec theory of the end of the world but I’m pretty sure we’re going to get through this much like we got through Y2K.  God, do you remember the whole Y2K scare?!  I remember thinking “Well, I guess it’s good that I live on the West Coast cause we’ll be able to see the other parts of the country crash before us….except Hawaii, of course.”  Give me a break, I was 10!  Well, if there is some end of the world phenomenon that happens tomorrow know that I will be the first to go if any sort of survival skills are needed and that if there is time, I’d like my body to be cremated.

Now don’t you feel better?

B. 12/19/12

I am getting ready to tun in my last paper for this quarter.  Just emailed it to myself and have to go print it off and turn it into my professors box.  I honestly can’t remember the last class that I’ve had to hand in a physical paper (as opposed to a digital submission); I thought we were passed this guys!!  I feel like I’m handing a detention slip back to my middle school teacher with my parents signed signature—a bit ridiculous if you ask me but who am I to judge?!  I want to be done and have it all graded and turned in to the school so that it’s official and can’t be taken away—it doesn’t quite feel real until that’s all done!

Now don’t you feel better?

B. 12/18/12

Christmas trees are amazing and you can’t deny that they smell so damn good!  I just love getting a whiff of that christmas tree smell matched with those spicy cinnamon scented pinecones that they always have as you walk by a Bed, Bath, & Beyond around the holidays.  Don’t laugh at me, you know I’m not a crazy person (at least when it comes to traditional christmas smells)!  Also, christmas lights: WOW!  Need I say more?!?  Especially those blue LED lights.  I feel like a fucking puppy when a squirrel runs across in front of me whenever I’m driving down the street at night—they’re seriously a driving hazard for me (which is a little pathetic but at least I can admit that I have a problem)!  Oh man, I’m going to have to go walking around to check out christmas lights pretty soon cause I’m a fucking kid in a candy store just thinking about it!  So pitiful, I know…

Now don’t you feel better?